So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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