doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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