so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
