you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
