i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They took my balls.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
