Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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