Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
