nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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