You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
