i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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