I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
