Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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