We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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