YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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