dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
