I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
