I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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