i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
