I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
