so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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