I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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