I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Randomize
