i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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