and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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