Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
