At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
