How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sober January is a disaster.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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