my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
