I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
