it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
