That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
