My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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