kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
