Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
