Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
