How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
