Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there's paper in my vomit.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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