I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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