Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drake has all the answers
Dicks are not precious.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
