he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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