Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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