Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
