I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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