she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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