Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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