If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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