Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
