remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
