I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
