I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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