Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
