if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
