I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
