I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
