sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
