i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
