Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
