i already hear my dad disowning me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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