$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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