i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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