I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
