this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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