Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
