Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
