...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
