I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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