So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
