He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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