I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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