taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
