That's intense
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
