fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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